Someone in my Google Reader posted about Past Life Analysis and I decided to go have a look. What I found was amusing, but pretty much meaningless to me. Perhaps I’m just not in the right state of mind for this today.
Maybe explains my fascination with zombies… Or not.
If home is where the heart is, I haven’t been home for a very, very long time. But I suppose that’s neither here nor there. My mother called earlier to tell me our house has been sold. Every time I type that, or say it out loud, fresh tears well up in my eyes. We’ve lived in this house for 28 years – that’s almost my entire life. I love this house. I love having a bath with the sun streaming in through the large north-facing bay window. I love the bath itself – big and comfy. I have the best room in the house – it has a street-facing window (west) and a north-facing window. (The only thing I don’t love so much is the wonky little shelf above the bedroom door; last night when I took off one book, all the others bounced off my skull en route to the floor, damaging the books worse than my head, I guess.)
My mom needs this fresh start though. Except it is going to take a little while longer still – however long it will take for her new flat to be built at the back of my brother’s house. Until then we will have to move in with my brother. And his wife. And his stepdaughter. And his son. Six of us in a little three-bedroom house.
Let’s say that I’m not bothered by probably having to live out of boxes for three months (very optimistic estimate that the building will be done in three months, I know), there is the issue that my first alarm goes off at 04:45 in the morning, and because my day starts so early, I try to go to bed relatively early too. Not so sure how well that is going to work when I share a room with a Grade 8 girl. And I’m big on privacy. Not sure I’ll have much of that either.
Yes, I’m probably only considering the bad and negative, but dammit, I’m allowed to. I’m not thrilled about being as dependent on my family as I am, and I’m being realistic about six different personalities living on top of each other. As it is some weekends drive me out the walls when it’s just half that amount, and then it’s when I’ve had the luxury of hiding away in my room.
I’m also very likely to be over-reacting. The last 24 hours have been emotionally overwhelming, and my sciatica is still causing endless sorrow. So I feel very fragile about it all.
As always, reading from Lotus Tarot.
Card 1 (The High Priestess) : How you feel about yourself now »
You are very aware of the feminine power within, intuitive and conscious at a spiritual level, looking for guidance and answers, a secret to be revealed. You desire a wise guide to help address your questions, and your intuition is just that. If you are male the appearance of The High Priestess can represent a woman who you care for very much and who truly inspires you.
Card 2 (The Hermit) : What you most want at this moment »
The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is to know what to do, as well as companionship or a lover as you feel somewhat lonely or isolated at the moment. Perhaps you are feeling exhausted and in need of a rest – if you have been ill this is a time for rest and recuperation.
Card 3 (Strength) : Your fears »
You are fearful of lacking the will power and strength to deal with someone or something that concerns you. Feeling negative and listening to all your fears will only cause failure and lost opportunities. Be as brave as a lion but work compassionately and you’ll be fine.
Card 4 (The Magician) : What is going for you »
If considering any new enterprise or relationship you will find the self-belief, confidence and ingenuity to make it a success. Perhaps a promotion or pay increase at work, or a strong feeling that if you were to choose to work for yourself, you truly believe you can make it work. Go for it!
Card 5 (The Fool) : What is going against you »
Beware of impetuous and impulsive decisions, they could cost you dear. Draw on your knowledge and experience, perhaps there are naive and immature beliefs behind your current desires. Are you looking to move onwards and upwards or run away? Look before you leap, you don’t want to appear the fool do you?
Card 6 (The Devil) : Outcome »
If your previous cards have been positive and your main consideration has been about a relationship then there’s a possibility of commitment, even a proposal of marriage. If this is not the case this a final opportunity for you to change course, because the temptation you are experiencing concerning a relationship, money or materialism or any other kind of addiction won’t lead to a happy ending. If you are feeling low in self-belief and self worth and doubt your abilities, don’t, have more confidence – its not too late to change direction.
She is called “Bridezilla” but she looks like Lady Gaga to me. Apologies for terrible pic. Camera not best asset of BlackBerry Curve852o.
So a visit to The Headache Clinic, as mentioned in my previous post, has been on my (aching) mind a lot. I went to their website to read about costs and stuff, and it turns out that you pay for the diagnostic process out your own pocket and then claim it back from your medical aid. This would’ve been perfect if I could afford to pay out of my pocket for anything because the diagnostics would pretty much cover the gap payment I will need to start making in R300-odd of medical expenses. Which means I won’t be visiting the clinic soon.
A little lower down I have a more pressing (haha) problem: my sciatica is acting up again, and in a big way. It is quite literally a pain in my backside. Last month when I told my GP about the constant pain in my left leg, he suggested that I go see the orthopaedic surgeon who did my spinal fusion in ’07 for a check up. My leave was coming to an end and I knew I wouldn’t have been able to get an appointment within the following four days, so instead I skipped off into the sunset with a handful of painkillers.
With the temperatures dropping as low as I can ever remember experiencing (particularly at 05:30 in the mornings when my commute starts), my body is constantly in a state of spasm and trembling, exacerbating my suffering.
Earlier this evening I thought I should find out if my GP is on duty this Saturday so I can go see him again and get a referral to the bone doc. But then I remembered I’m babysitting my nephew on Saturday morning. And, oh yes, there’s that little issue with the gap payment. I could hit the painkillers again and daily this time, but (touch wood) my ulcer’s been so good for so long now… I’m not quite sure which I consider the lesser of two evils.
I’ll have to just carry on with heat packs and furious leg rubbing. Whatever money I have left after my petrol expenses for the month will be kept aside for emergencies/gap payments. Probably not this month though, since I still need to pay the ER bill, as well as my car’s licence.
But honestly, I can’t wait for Saturday afternoon. I’ve just decided that I’ll hit the Tramacet as soon as I’m relieved of duty and can sleep/drool the rest of the weekend away in comfort (i.e. pain free). Viva scheduled drugs!