Monthly Archives: May 2011

Homes, headaches and classic avoidance

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I’m not writing this post in a procrastination effort. Really. Promise! Okay maybe I am, but these things need to be said/done as well.

Firstly, I’m absolutely thrilled to be sitting here headache-free (touch wood) after several forms of the curse befell me last week (including a migraine on Friday and Sunday). I am quite seriously considering a visit to the Headache Clinic, but need to save up for it first (even if my medical aid where to pay for it, I’m on the brink of entering my self-payment gap, something I’m ill-prepared for). The state of my pain synapses were not at all aided by my mom asking me what my plans regarding living arrangements are as soon as the house is sold.

I almost had a stroke! (This was around 17:00 yesterday afternoon, as if my Sunday Blues weren’t bad enough.) When I raised objection to moving back home because the house is in the market, SHE was the one who told me not to worry; that I had at least two months to worry about that. It’s been two weeks and now she’s rocking my little sinking boat. She signed two offers on the house last Monday, and technically, if there are no hitches, we will have to vacate the house in five weeks. While the debt counselling has put me in a position to pay everything I need to, and have some cheese on my bread, I can only pay rent or petrol for my daily PretoriaJohannesburg-Pretoria commute – not both.

Eventually she said that I should always remember that she’ll have a place for me wherever she goes, even if it is only a couch (at which thought my back spontaneously spasmed; okay it didn’t, but if it had a brain it would’ve).

So in an effort to not completely feel overwhelmed/devastated, I’m focusing on the long ongoing The Secret Project © (TSP) (which, as time progresses, is becoming less secret). Except for the bit of procrastination brought on by writing this post. I’ve found a part of the project swinging in the wind like a hangman-puzzle with one clue/limb left, and now I need to find bits to attach it, etc. And another part needs to be double checked under a magnifying glass (this bit is what I’m currently avoiding), and modified to make sense (there are bits there whose arrival on the scene make absolutely NO sense).

But let me not put off my duties for too long. Never know when the next headache will fell me or my ambitions.

Language of love

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(found the quiz via @Jenty‘s blog)

A couple of years ago I first heard about The Five Languages of Love. When I did the quiz back then, the result (rather predictably) was that my language was receiving of gifts. Many things have changed since then, and I while I still love getting presents and surprises, it is no longer the thing(s) I want the most. I am surprised that physical touch has shot to the top of the list. I was not a physically affectionate child, or even teenager. Doing this quiz with the person I love more than anything else in mind, it became clear that the current situation our “relationship” (yes, it’s complicated, let’s rather not get into that now, please) is in, has left me extremely insecure.

Anyway, here are my results:

I feel loved when…

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Physical Touch

My Detailed Results:

Physical Touch: 10
Words of Affirmation: 7
Quality Time: 6
Receiving Gifts: 6
Acts of Service: 1

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

Love of my life, when you’re reading this (and you’ll have no excuse, since I’m going to send you the link as soon as the post is up :P), maybe you’ll understand why I so desperately want to hold your hand when we’re together.

I miss you.

P.S. I thought of making this a private post, but there’s no point, really.

Obsession

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My previous obsession has been upgraded. Sort of. Well, it surely is more expensive! I’d love one of the higher units with a view. And my kingdom for a walk-in wardrobe goody. The “Type D” is my current dream unit – I can convert one of the bedrooms into a library/study, and I like the idea of a seperate scullery. The open-plan of the “Type A” units do not appeal to me at all. “Type C” isn’t too bad at all, but there’s no scullery and the kitchen’s not at all enclosed. And because the only way I’ll ever get to live in any of these units are in my fantasies, I pick D. On the 15th floor nogal! Who’s coming to my house warming?

Changes

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So it’s been three weeks since my finger was used as a chew toy, and although the nail is going to take months to look normal again, and despite the lump of eina nerves that make the finger go numb when I apply pressure (like when typing), it is a lot better.

The two weeks I spent at my mom’s place was great. I didn’t get to sleep in much, but I did whatever I wanted to – which wasn’t much – and I felt very happy to be with the people I love and who cares for me.

Going back to work wasn’t too unpleasant, and things seem to carry on as they always have, but that’s more or less where the usual business ends.
I’ve decided to move back to Pretoria, because Johannesburg just makes me miserable. Sure my fuel consumption is going to increase & cost me more, but at least I’ll have one happy place, where I currently don’t have any. I will get up an hour earlier to (hopefully) get to work the same time I do now, and I will get to listen to my audio books while sitting in traffic in the afternoons. At least, until the Gautrain starts running from Pretoria. A month pass will be cheap by comparison, especially with the ever-increasing cost of petrol and the tolls launching soon. On days where I need to go see my doctor, for example, I’ll drive in, but that won’t be more often than once every two weeks.

In order to better cope with the nightmare that is my finances, I have applied for debt counselling. I’ve come to a point where ensuring that I pay all my accounts every month means I have no money to live. Technically I can’t afford to eat, drive, have life insurance, a pension fund and several other bits, non of which qualifies as luxury expenses. I can’t even buy a single of my beloved magazines. I’ve tried selling my books (and my soul, several times), but no one seems to be interested. I need to buy a new mattress. My back is giving me problems again, but buying anything is not an option.
The problem now is that I need to pay for my brother’s petrol on Saturday so he can help with the move, and I only have enough money to put petrol in my own car once before the end of the month, which is still a long way off. I’m not even IN Pretoria yet, and already I have petrol issues. That makes me sad, but I’ll have to make a plan. I’m taking control of things that are a problem, as much as I’m able to, and I can’t let this derail my plans.

It has been a long time since I had a plan of action, and more importantly that I have set in motion, and I’m determined to see this through.

During my lunch break on Wednesday I hope to open a new bank account, as advised by my counsellor, taking one more step closer to taking back control of my life.

If you happen to find some loose change between your couch cushions, won’t you please mail it to me? 😛

Tarot reading for May

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It’s a little late, but it is my first day back at work and with full Internet access. And since I’m going through a patch more rough than Johannesburg’s worst pot-holed road, let’s hope the cards have some encouraging news.

Strength

Card 1 (Strength) : How you feel about yourself now  »

You feel that despite the challenges you have been faced with in the past, present or future, you will find the strength and courage to succeed. Whether you are recovering from ill health, a broken marriage or relationship, or challenges at work, you will find the will power to come out on top. If you are looking to give up any bad habits, such as smoking or drinking for example, this is a good time to do it.

The Chariot

Card 2 (The Chariot) : What you most want at this moment  »

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is success, to win and not give up the fight. You are successful and assertive in most things, or if you haven’t quite got the success you want, you will get it. This is a time of movement and change – expect a journey relating to work, or if you want that car you’ve been looking at, go get it.

The Sun

Card 3 (The Sun) : Your fears  »

You are afraid that things seem too good to be true, so much pleasure and joy – well enjoy it, sometimes we can be pleasantly surprised. If you have been unwell this is a time of rejuvenation and good health. Perhaps you are afraid that things won’t actually get better – have faith you are about to enter a happy and pleasurable time. The Sun heralds an ending to difficulties and a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby.

Judgement

Card 4 (Judgement) : What is going for you  »

Brand new potential, an opportunity which once given must not be ignored, a new project, decision or relationship that could affect the rest of your life. You will enjoy success and enjoyment for past efforts, events will pick up a pace and the outcome will be quicker than expected.

The World

Card 5 (The World) : What is going against you  »

As always, fear holds us back and so often leads to missed opportunities. Do not give up or change direction this late in the game just because you have experienced delays – stick with it, have faith and trust the universe, and you will reach the successful conclusion you are wanting.

Justice

Card 6 (Justice) : Outcome  »

Justice will be done. Decisions will go in your favour, particularly regarding partnerships or legal matters. A time for some good luck and reward for your good deeds in the past.