Looking at the chaos around me


I’m sitting at my desk contemplating this post, and realise that everything around me is noisy and rushing, and I feel completely removed from it all.

So far 32, and indeed 2011, has not surprised or excited me in anyway. One of my readers did makie a donation in response to my plea in a previous post. The kindness was completely unexpected, and greatly appreciated. (The house-buying venture is an uphill battle which I’m not sure I want or can fight.)

I feel like a shell of my former self – I’m not stressing about anything; not because there’s nothing to stress about, I just can’t summon the energy to do so.

I’m frustrated and bored by work. I’m looking around, but if I’m completely honest, I don’t know what I want to do – other than write, which is not really a very specific goal – and that doesn’t help the situation. I’ll tell you what else doesn’t help, getting bored quickly. Case in point:

In a Sagittarius CV you’re likely to see not one, but many different kinds of jobs. They get bored easily and won’t mind giving up a good wage to go grape-picking in Spain. The staff of Sagittarian bosses don’t know whether to love or hate them.

It isn’t very often that they lose their temper, but when they do, they don’t care who’s present. However, Sagittarian vitality is contagious and they can fire everyone up with both drive and ambition.

Sagittarius people are born to be successful and expect their staff to be as brilliant as they are. They are ideas people and get around obstacles with great style.

They work odd hours rather than set hours. A rigid routine makes them bored, depressed and unimaginative. They need to express their personality in their work, The best thing about them is that they tell you the truth, so you always know where you stand.

Thank you Women24 for that; not that it helps me in any way, really.

I have this website which I thought would be an excellent platform for online PR, but I really don’t know what I’m doing, and so nothing has happened on there for a bit. Yesterday I considered doing a short course again, except I have other things my resources need to be spent on.

I’d seriously give the hunt for a sugar daddy a try, but I know I’m not a trophy girlfriend. And apparently I’m not the girl of anyone’s dreams. That sounds way more depressing than what I actually feel about the matter. I couldn’t care about that right now. And again, that is the problem. Not caring. About anything.

Sure I’m concerned about whether my mom has enough to eat, whether my brother’s retarded first wife is going to take my nephew away from my mom, whether my dad will try to kill my mom and/or my brother again, when the parents’ divorce will be settled, how long my fully dememted gran will live still, what I’m going to do with my stuff if my mom has to move out of the house, where my mom’s going to live if she has to move. But I’m not actively burning energy to feel stressed up about it.

So now what? I think I’ll just float along for a bit. Whatever.


About Syllable

A frugal shopaholic called Syllable: Intelligent, skeptic, curious, naïve, passionate, moody, honest, creative, obsessive & obsessed. A dreamer, a worrier, a writer, a reader, a listener, an observer. My little site of fiction: http://www.thesinglesyllable.co.za/

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