It was bound to happen, although I really hoped it wouldn’t.
On Friday when 98% of our department went to the year-end lunch, I slipped away to Pretoria. My mom knew I was coming, but she didn’t know I’d be there so early. I picked up my nephew from school, and saw he was absolutely miserable. He had lost one of the two R5 which my mom gave him – as she does every Friday – and was in quite a state because of this. I promptly gave him a new R5 and told him not to worry. Which is when I started worrying. He was very emotional, and told me he feels he’s too emotional (he’s only 11 years old)! There has been a lot of tension between his mom and mine, made worse by the fact that his mom supports my dad in the divorce.
I took him to Wimpy in an effort to cheer him up. Afterwards we went home, my mom took him to have his hair cut, and when they got back I gave him the traffic light lollipop I got at the TomTom event a week earlier.
This was about the same time as my mom went to sit outside sobbing her heart & eyes out. I felt so powerless. There was nothing I could do to make her feel better. Her finances are in a worse state than mine (that’s saying a lot), my father keeps dragging the process out, my gran is the polar opposite of lucid (but still alive and in fighting spirits almost a week after being discharged from hospital), my nephew is now only allowed to stay over on Sunday nights, she has no groceries in the cupboard, and the security company has handed her account over to their lawyers for non-payment.
And between her sobs she tells me she is not up to carrying on with life. Having been there myself so many times, I try to think what I can do to convince her we need her. Eventually she calms down and we head inside to tell my nephew to have a bath. While lazing on the couch she asks me what’s leaking from my car. On closer inspection it turns out it was petrol, from my freshly filled up petrol tank. I call my brother who says he’ll have a look when he comes from work. Mom takes nephew away and I take the chance to have a big fat, shoulder-jerking sob.
Fortunately I have a really good support system, and one friend offered to lend me some money to sort out the security company and buy groceries. I also gave my mother some extra money to use for petrol or the utilities or whatever she needs it for.First payment I make when I get my bonus goes to my friend. So much for paying off suffocating interest bearing debt.
When my brother finally pitched and assessed the situation, it turned out that it wasn’t too big a problem, that he could fix it, and that it shouldn’t cost me too much. The fact that it would cost me anything at all was not a happy idea. But still, it could’ve been worse.
Saturday I bought quite a bit of groceries, and when I unloaded it yesterday, my mom was in tears again. She cannot accept that she has te be dependent on her children. I say she should be grateful she raised such awesome children that are willing to take care of her.
It is really hard for me to be strong like this when my own life & situations are making me utterly miserable, but if it will keep my mom alive, I will find a way to do it. I just really wish the three people that make her life difficult would just disappear.