I’ve only ever had one “steady” boyfriend. He broke me. He took away my free spirit, my couldn’t-give-a-damn attitude, my self-esteem, my trust, my believe in myself… and I let him. He was jealous and possesive and controlling, and somehow I always took him back, everytime I told him (and myself) it was over.
He told me I was too skinny. He didn’t like it when I cut my hair. He didn’t speak to me for days after I changed my hair colour. On the way to my year-end function, he caused me to cry off all my make up, a mere 5 km from home. He undermined my opinions. He demanded that whenever I was not in class or at work, and before going home, I had to be with him. Yes, I studied and worked while I sat in front of his Playstation in my brother’s house, smoking, sleeping until noon, and then waiting for me to come from campus.
Maybe I believed I was not going to get someone better/different. Maybe I believed I didn’t deserve better/different. At least I learned a lot from that relationship, although I haven’t been in one since, and I suppose that doesn’t make it all bad.