Day three – Something you have to forgive yourself for

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This is a very difficult one for me. It forces me to face how selfish I’ve been. Well, used to be, I hope.

There was a time in my life where I was the only thing that mattered. I was young and moody and wanted to do my own thing.

I was not dependable as a protective big sister when we took a girl in to foster and later attempted to adopt. I felt threatened, I suppose, and insecure – I wasn’t a good enough daughter – and this scared little girl was on the receiving end of my misery.

I was not a patient grandchild. I suppose I was only acting the way teenagers typically do, but I hated sitting still and being hugged too hard. It’s too late to get those hugs now.

I was a terrible friend. I was blind to a friend’s depression, because it was not something I had recognised in myself yet. At least I’m getting a second chance to make that right now.

Just because things didn’t work out the way I wanted it to; just because I was unable or unwilling to see things through, just because I did or do things some people will not approve of, does not make me a disappointment. Looking back, overall, I’m sure I’ve made them proud. I need to believe that.

I trust she’s forgiven me. I know they have forgiven me, and he’s giving me a second chance, so the only person that needs to forgive, let go and forget is me…

3 responses »

  1. Pingback: 30 Days of Truth challenge « Mishmash mind bubbles

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