No surprises here – money, or rather debt. I suppose I do sound a bit like a stuck record, but it is the one completely overwhelming factor in my life at the moment.
This weekend I had a very close look at my dire finances, and it turns out I have less debt than I initially thought. Which is a good thing, but still not much of a comfort, since no bank is going to lend me that amount in order to consolidate it all. And once it is all consolidated into one amount with a single interest rate, my finances should actually balance. I can spend 60% of my monthly salary on repaying that debt, and the remaining 40% will be quite enough to see me through the rest of my financial obligations, even little unplanned expenses like the apparent need to rotate, balance and align my car’s wheels, which I cannot do right now; or any time soon.
I’m not expecting or even asking for a handout. It is my debt, and whatever the reason or circumstances that have led me to having it doesn’t really matter. I am willing to repay it – to the last cent and even with interest – I’m just desperate for a little assistance so I don’t have to spend an entire month wondering how I’m going to pay my rent, fill up my car, etc.
Of course I would be more than happy to sign a legally binding contract with an individual, should I happen to know anyone who would be able to assist me with a loan. There are a few little snags with this plan though: I’m not sure if I know anyone who could help, since I’m not really in the habit of asking friends and acquaintances about their financial standings. And even if I did know, I’m too proud (or too shy/embarrassed/afraid) to actually ask for their help. Which is utterly retarded, I know, but that’s just how I am.
The saying is: Money can’t buy happiness. In this case it can consolidate 90% of my unhappiness and that to me, makes a huge difference…