Tag Archives: judgement

New Year tarot reading

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I really sat down quietly for a bit before selecting my cards this morning, and thought about what I really wanted. This is huge progress, because, although it’s still mostly vague, it’s an improvement from knowing only what I don’t want (which, let’s be honest, is a big fat cop-out). So after contemplation and the selection of my six cards, I feel really inspired motivated encouraged by the reading, even if it is still pretty generic. It is overall extremely positive – something I hope to focus on a lot more often this year.

Wheel Of Fortune

Card 1 (Wheel Of Fortune) : How you feel about yourself now  »

Perhaps you feel due for a bit of good luck or indeed are experiencing some at the moment. The Wheel of Fortune is a card of destiny. What is happening now we could call fate, so if positive things are happening with your love life, career or finances this is no coincidence. If no such things are happening, expect a sudden change in fortune.

Judgement

Card 2 (Judgement) : What you most want at this moment  »

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is a new start, to close this chapter in your life and have a brand new beginning. This is not a time for regret but for rejoicing. Rewards for past efforts will follow and you are sure to have many opportunities presented to you. Life will pick up a pace and the choices you make will have far reaching implications that could change your life dramatically. Any legal issues should be ruled in your favour.

The Hierophant

Card 3 (The Hierophant) : Your fears  »

Are you really your best counsel? Probably not at this moment in time. You are worried that you will sell yourself short and agree to something that you don’t feel morally comfortable with. For example you may really desire marriage but the offer has been ‘let’s live together’. You may be looking at a job or business opportunity but you question how ethical it is. Seek out an advisor you can trust such as a teacher, priest, parent or anyone you have respect for. They will be happy to help.

The Star

Card 4 (The Star) : What is going for you  »

A wish come true, this is a time of good luck and fortune, perhaps after a period of struggle and heartache. Good health, possibly after a time of illness, and good fortune that will give you a new zest of life. If considering a new love affair, new job or career, or travel, then go for it. You may also receive a gift or gifts!

The Moon

Card 5 (The Moon) : What is going against you  »

You are frozen with fear, lack of nerve and confused as to what it is you actually want. You are allowing all your fears and anxieties to hold you back when you should be opening your mind to new and unexpected possibilities. You do need to be careful however, as there are deceitful people around who may seem charming but are only out for their own gains. If in a clandestine affair beware, your secret may be exposed.

The World

Card 6 (The World) : Outcome  »

Success, fulfillment and conclusion are near at hand – the successful outcome to a venture, satisfaction in a relationship and efforts rewarded. It is a culmination of events and indicates material wealth and greater spiritual awareness. You may choose to buy that dream house or a wonderfully fulfilling relationship is on offer, enjoy!

September tarot reading

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Lotus tarot has this reading for the month ahead:
The ChariotCard 1 (The Chariot) : How you feel about yourself now  »

You feel everything is a constant battle at the moment, but persevere and you will triumph in the end. Expect some good news that will help you to keep going until you achieve your goals. This is a time of movement and change and of conflicts ending in victory. You may well consider a journey that relates to work or go for that new car you’ve been looking at.

 

 

Judgement

Card 2 (Judgement) : What you most want at this moment  »

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is a new start, to close this chapter in your life and have a brand new beginning. This is not a time for regret but for rejoicing. Rewards for past efforts will follow and you are sure to have many opportunities presented to you. Life will pick up a pace and the choices you make will have far reaching implications that could change your life dramatically. Any legal issues should be ruled in your favour.

The Star

Card 3 (The Star) : Your fears  »

You are fearful of the future and rather lacking in self-belief – you are afraid your hopes will be dashed. Well don’t be, this is your wish card – a time of joy and fulfilment. Good health, possibly after a time of illness, and good fortune that will give you a new zest of life. If considering a new love affair, new job or career, or travel, then go for it. You may also receive a gift or gifts!

The High Priestess

Card 4 (The High Priestess) : What is going for you  »

All lines are open in your telephone exchange with your intuition, and there is no better guide than your intuition. Listen, listen carefully and the secret you want revealed will be shared with you.

The Tower

Card 5 (The Tower) : What is going against you  »

However hard you try to control events they just won’t go your way. Unexpected challenges, upheaval and disappointment will bring expectations to an end. Subconsciously you may have wanted a solution, you just didn’t expect it to happen this way. Use this period of change as an opportunity for a new beginning. If you have been planning to move home you will be experiencing setbacks.

The Sun

Card 6 (The Sun) : Outcome  »

The Sun is shining on you – it’s your time for success, joy and happiness. You will feel confident and full of vitality. It’s a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, perhaps enjoy a well-earned holiday, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby. If you are not feeling this way take heart, you will enter this period soon.

Tarot reading for May

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It’s a little late, but it is my first day back at work and with full Internet access. And since I’m going through a patch more rough than Johannesburg’s worst pot-holed road, let’s hope the cards have some encouraging news.

Strength

Card 1 (Strength) : How you feel about yourself now  »

You feel that despite the challenges you have been faced with in the past, present or future, you will find the strength and courage to succeed. Whether you are recovering from ill health, a broken marriage or relationship, or challenges at work, you will find the will power to come out on top. If you are looking to give up any bad habits, such as smoking or drinking for example, this is a good time to do it.

The Chariot

Card 2 (The Chariot) : What you most want at this moment  »

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is success, to win and not give up the fight. You are successful and assertive in most things, or if you haven’t quite got the success you want, you will get it. This is a time of movement and change – expect a journey relating to work, or if you want that car you’ve been looking at, go get it.

The Sun

Card 3 (The Sun) : Your fears  »

You are afraid that things seem too good to be true, so much pleasure and joy – well enjoy it, sometimes we can be pleasantly surprised. If you have been unwell this is a time of rejuvenation and good health. Perhaps you are afraid that things won’t actually get better – have faith you are about to enter a happy and pleasurable time. The Sun heralds an ending to difficulties and a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby.

Judgement

Card 4 (Judgement) : What is going for you  »

Brand new potential, an opportunity which once given must not be ignored, a new project, decision or relationship that could affect the rest of your life. You will enjoy success and enjoyment for past efforts, events will pick up a pace and the outcome will be quicker than expected.

The World

Card 5 (The World) : What is going against you  »

As always, fear holds us back and so often leads to missed opportunities. Do not give up or change direction this late in the game just because you have experienced delays – stick with it, have faith and trust the universe, and you will reach the successful conclusion you are wanting.

Justice

Card 6 (Justice) : Outcome  »

Justice will be done. Decisions will go in your favour, particularly regarding partnerships or legal matters. A time for some good luck and reward for your good deeds in the past.

Save your judgements – they are wrong in any case

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Don’t judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes… That doesn’t seem to stop people. And now I’m going to expose myself to judgement even more. But that’s okay. Apparently things are better out than in.

Last Thursday as I went to bed, I looked through the box I keep all my medicine in: a variety of antidepressants, sleeping pills, antispasmodics, schedule five painkillers, etc. and came to the conclusion that I don’t need to take all of them. One or two of a couple would be more than enough. And if I don’t use it all, maybe it won’t look like suicide, and then the insurance and everything will pay out, my mom won’t have to worry about my debt, she can get my car, and both she and my best friend will have some money to get them through their own financial rough patches.
The timing was perfect too: my housemate was going to be away for the weekend, and her pets would survive not being fed for one day.

But then I made the mistake of telling my friend about my plans on Friday morning. I needed to tell someone to sell my books for extra money, take the food I’ve bought that’s left in the freezer. And since he’s gone through a depression the scale of which he’s never experienced before, I thought he’d understand. Not encourage or support me, of course, just understand.
However, he was being all reasonable and level headed and not quite as understanding. I don’t know how I thought he would be. Being depressed for a few months, even as unlikely as it is for him to be anything but optimistic, cannot compare to over a decade of major depression, various drug and therapy treatments, and more suicidal tendencies than a 70s cult.

Of course everything he said was true, and behold, I’m still around, but I’m not any happier or closer to being “in a good/better place”.

I’m sure everyone reading this (assuming anyone is) thinks it couldn’t have been too serious if I didn’t go through with it; or I couldn’t have been serious about it if I told anyone about it. You have no idea. And to be honest, things have gotten worse. I didn’t think it was possible.

For those who believe committing suicide is selfish, have you ever thought how selfish it is for people who can’t change your circumstances, to expect that you should carry on. And do so without complaining. To count your blessings – there are people who have it worse than you. Yes there are; they seem to be coping better with their disadvantages than what I am, privileged as I am. And I have an excellent emotional support system.
Unfortunately external circumstances are breaking me down and I am in no position to do anything about it. And being an emotional wreck is influencing my life in broad. I don’t want my mom to know, so as far as she knows I’m happy. I’m withdrawing socially because I don’t want to bother other people with my problems. The only person who knows about my demons in details is my best friend. Until the writing of this post, he had the burden of keeping my secret, and to fight to keep me alive on top of his own troubles. That was selfish. That is part of the reason I’m writing this.

I am broken. I don’t see how I’m going to get fixed. I will fight on as long as Morné fights with me. I think we’ve reached a new level in our relationship. I’ve never told anyone of any of my previous attempts in detail before. He’s verbalised how much I’ve meant to him over the past decade. Maybe that has given me some hope.

Do I feel better writing this? No. I just feel like the same emotional, whining person I am every day. Now I just have (another) public record thereof.

It’s Thursday again

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And that means I’m posting a tarot reading again, as found online here.
The Star

Card 1 (The Star) : How you feel about yourself now  »

You feel there is hope, or if you don’t, have faith – a tranquil period is imminent. If you have been ill, suffered bereavement or disappointment in love, take heart, good fortune is on its way. New horizons are indicated and you will feel a new zest for life. This is your wish card – if considering a new love affair, new job or career, or travel, then go for it. You may also receive a gift or gifts!

 

 

Judgement

Card 2 (Judgement) : What you most want at this moment  »

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is a new start, to close this chapter in your life and have a brand new beginning. This is not a time for regret but for rejoicing. Rewards for past efforts will follow and you are sure to have many opportunities presented to you. Life will pick up a pace and the choices you make will have far reaching implications that could change your life dramatically. Any legal issues should be ruled in your favour.

 

Wheel Of Fortune

Card 3 (Wheel Of Fortune) : Your fears  »

You are in fear of everything turning for the worse for you, perhaps you are experiencing a run of bad luck. You have to trust that most of what we fear never happens and as The Wheel of Fortune turns downwards against you, the wheel will naturally turn upwards again and bring good fortune to you too. This difficult phase will pass.

 

 

 

Temperance

Card 4 (Temperance) : What is going for you  »

You are about to enter a period of peace and harmony in your relationship, career or life generally. You will find a way of handling difficult circumstances with calm confidence. Life is flowing at this time enjoy it.

 

 

 

 

The Tower

Card 5 (The Tower) : What is going against you  »

However hard you try to control events they just won’t go your way. Unexpected challenges, upheaval and disappointment will bring expectations to an end. Subconsciously you may have wanted a solution, you just didn’t expect it to happen this way. Use this period of change as an opportunity for a new beginning. If you have been planning to move home you will be experiencing setbacks.

 

 

The Chariot

Card 6 (The Chariot) : Outcome  »

Conflicts ending in victory! Keep charging ahead this is a time of change, travel and success if you stay committed to achieving your goals. A journey relating to work is imminent and if you’ve had your eye on that new car it will soon be yours.

Weekly tarot reading

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This is really turning out to be… well, you know. Now featuring commentary from the subject!
Universal 6 Card Spread
Judgement

Card 1 (Judgement) : How you feel about yourself now  »

You feel this is an end to an era or at least a certain phase of your life – you are taking stock and looking where you want to go from here. This ending is not one for regret but for rejoicing. Soon you will enjoy the rewards for your past efforts. As with any period of endings, many opportunities will present themselves and the choice that you make will have far reaching implications that could change your life dramatically. Any legal issues should be ruled in your favour. (I cannot imagine what could be ending, other than my probation period at work. The only legal issue in my life is my parents’ divorce, and the things I’ve been hearing the last couple of days sounds like we’re in for a rough time. One can live in hope though.)

The High Priestess

Card 2 (The High Priestess) : What you most want at this moment  »

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is for a secret to be revealed, a secret held deep within yourself or another? Go within and listen to your heart and instincts. The appearance of The High Priestess tells you that the power of the divine feminine is with you, trust it. (Actually, what I most want at this moment, is a mountain of money, a place of my own, peace of mind for my mom. But apparently that’s too much to ask. I will listen to my heart, although it usually only leads me to trouble and tears.)

 

The Hermit

Card 3 (The Hermit) : Your fears  »

You are frightened of being on your own and loneliness, and you simply don’t know quite what to do. Take time to relax and in time you will have the answers. The Hermit signals a warning not to make hasty decisions, so try not to get too stressed, and if you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation. (This is true and not. I want to be on my own – in a place of my own, where it would be much easier for me to dictate when to be surrounded by people. The people I want around me are the ones I can’t have, and in that sense I don’t like being “alone”. The only decision I’m pondering is whether or not to register for NaNoWriMo this year, and trying not to get “too stressed” is impossible for me.)

 

The Empress

Card 4 (The Empress) : What is going for you  »

The harvest is here; you are entering an abundant time of happiness and joy. Creative energy is high so if you are considering starting a family, a new job or artistic endeavour this is a favourable time. Relax and enjoy. (Relax? Seriously? Creative energy at a high is a good thing – especially if I decide to participate in NaNoWriMo afterall.)

 

 

 

The Devil

Card 5 (The Devil) : What is going against you  »

It’s like you’re in a drug-induced haze – it feels great and always leaves you wanting more. This is addiction pure and simple, whether it’s an obsessive sexual relationship, money deals that are too good to be true, materialism at any cost or recreational drugs. Take care – it won’t lead to a happy ending. (Who the what now? My only addiction, that I’m aware of, is worrying about stuff. This makes NO sense at all.)

 

 

The Lovers

Card 6 (The Lovers) : Outcome  »

Love is coming into your life even if you really can’t see where from at this time. If you are on your own a new lover will soon enter your life. If you are in an unhappy relationship you have a choice to make – go with your heart, take the risk, greater happiness is ahead of you. (Okay, what is it with the universe wanting me to find love so badly. When I told it on Twitter last week that I’d rather have a cheque than a man, it asked me if I would consider a package deal. I kid you not. In case you are wondering, I would. But love is very low down on my list of priorities now.)

 

 

Again, for your own reading, go here.