Monthly Archives: September 2011

On giving up

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I’m tired. Mostly from not getting enough sleep – if it’s not the dogs, it’s the sleep walking/talking roomie, or the other inhabitants of the house going about their business while I try to get an early night to compensate for my early rise. But it’s gone beyond that.

The general consensus is that I’m overreacting. I feel like I’m heading for a break down at a great speed. I’m miserable. I feel unloved, lonely, inadequate and trapped. It feels like I’m constantly being criticised and that only the negative things about me are being highlighted by the person I rely on the most for uplifting and encouraging me: my mom. Nothing I do seems to be good enough, and her comments last night – telling me to grow up and that the world does not revolve around me – only opened up years of festering resentment about never living up to expectations.

There is nothing I can do to change the situation; there is nowhere I can go. I have nothing – no money, no desire to be alive. I spend days in tears, unable to pull myself together; unable to contemplate a light at the end of the tunnel.

Warming up to a new home

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So it turns out my mother’s never had a kitchen tea, and as a result we’ve decided to throw one of those instead of a conventional housewarming when we move into her new flat (which has not progressed much to date).

I’ll whisk her off to Menlyn against her will one Saturday morning to sign up for a gift registry at every home ware shop we come across, which we will then send out to everyone in our address books.  And ask all of those people to forward it on to everyone in their address books.

You see, we have no pots/pans, cutlery, mugs, glasses, plates… we pretty much have our clothes. And a few bits of furniture. We’d both like new beds, but I’m not sure I’ll have space in my new room for a bigger bed, so I’ll settle for a new mattress.

But for the time being we wait (not so) patiently for the plans to be approved, the inspector to give the thumbs up, so we can build our new home.

September tarot reading

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Lotus tarot has this reading for the month ahead:
The ChariotCard 1 (The Chariot) : How you feel about yourself now  »

You feel everything is a constant battle at the moment, but persevere and you will triumph in the end. Expect some good news that will help you to keep going until you achieve your goals. This is a time of movement and change and of conflicts ending in victory. You may well consider a journey that relates to work or go for that new car you’ve been looking at.

 

 

Judgement

Card 2 (Judgement) : What you most want at this moment  »

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is a new start, to close this chapter in your life and have a brand new beginning. This is not a time for regret but for rejoicing. Rewards for past efforts will follow and you are sure to have many opportunities presented to you. Life will pick up a pace and the choices you make will have far reaching implications that could change your life dramatically. Any legal issues should be ruled in your favour.

The Star

Card 3 (The Star) : Your fears  »

You are fearful of the future and rather lacking in self-belief – you are afraid your hopes will be dashed. Well don’t be, this is your wish card – a time of joy and fulfilment. Good health, possibly after a time of illness, and good fortune that will give you a new zest of life. If considering a new love affair, new job or career, or travel, then go for it. You may also receive a gift or gifts!

The High Priestess

Card 4 (The High Priestess) : What is going for you  »

All lines are open in your telephone exchange with your intuition, and there is no better guide than your intuition. Listen, listen carefully and the secret you want revealed will be shared with you.

The Tower

Card 5 (The Tower) : What is going against you  »

However hard you try to control events they just won’t go your way. Unexpected challenges, upheaval and disappointment will bring expectations to an end. Subconsciously you may have wanted a solution, you just didn’t expect it to happen this way. Use this period of change as an opportunity for a new beginning. If you have been planning to move home you will be experiencing setbacks.

The Sun

Card 6 (The Sun) : Outcome  »

The Sun is shining on you – it’s your time for success, joy and happiness. You will feel confident and full of vitality. It’s a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, perhaps enjoy a well-earned holiday, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby. If you are not feeling this way take heart, you will enter this period soon.