Monthly Archives: April 2011

Angry bird

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I caused a bit of mayhem on Twitter and Facebook last night, trying to figure out where the nearest ER was. I was chatting with my housemate’s dad while he was covering up the African Greys, the tame cockatoo perched on his shoulder. I’m not entirely sure of what happened next, except that one moment we were chatting, the next the cockatoo was clinging onto the front of my shirt, wings flapping, merrily munching on my left index finger.

Now, I’d had a less than stellar week up to then, but felt a little better after a visit to my shrink. I hadn’t eaten much for two days and sleep had been evading me too, so this tipped me over the emotional edge. I stuck the offended finger under running cold water; it just kept gushing vamp juice. I stumbled to the look, pack on wads of toilet paper and apply pressure. Finally it seemed to stop. Feeling slightly faint I collapsed onto my bed, trying to decide what plaster to stick on it. And then I turned my hand over. It bit right through the nail.

The shock/panic/hysteria took over and I decided I might need a little more than a plaster. Like a tetanus shot.

Of course this happens on a day I’m wearing stiletto boots and jeans keep falling down my ass. I drive (sobbing all the way) to a garage around the corner, and after eventually enquiring about the nearest hospital, I’m on my bloody way to Sandton Medi-Clinic, hyperventilating as I go.

Long story short: The finger is bandaged. My medical aid’s savings is exhausted and I owe them a bucket load of money for three x-rays, having my wound cleaned and dressed, a little pilletjie to help me calm down, and the tet shot. Prescribed pain meds and antibiotics – which I still haven’t got – and sent back home (where I cry some more).

If I can make it to Pretoria tomorrow afternoon without any more distress or injury of any kind, I will be very grateful.

The downside of weight loss

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Before I moved to Johannesburg, I cleaned out my cupboards and chucked everything I haven’t worn in years. My tendency to insulin resistance has led to my weight climbing sneakily and although there was a time where I weighed less but looked infinitely worse, my dress size became one I was very ashamed of. Of course, being tall helps and the few people who do know what size I wore were genuinely surprised by the number. I didn’t for a moment think I’d need my “skinny” clothes again.

When returning to Jhb after the Festive Season, I decided that a drastic change is in order. So starting on 10 January, I did a two-week extreme weight loss kick-start, by cutting out carbs in all shape of forms. That lifestyle is by no means healthy or sustainable, and I decided to choose my carbs carefully. I made a radical cut in the amount of sugar I consumed: no more soft drinks other than Sprite Zero (mostly as a treat over weekends); two teaspoons of sugar in my coffee and tea (when honey is not available), as opposed to the usual four; diluted fruit squash (just enough to make water taste more bearable). Breakfast is mostly protein based, and lunch features whole wheat pasta or brown rice with lean protein and mixed veg. Dinner doesn’t happen real often, and is usually little more than a handful of rice crackers and a cup of instant soup.

In 14 weeks I’ve lost a total of six and a half kilograms. That’s 700 g more than my first target, three and a half kilos from my second target, and nine and a half kilos from my ultimate target. That is a lot of weight to shift still. And I’ve come to realise that weight is just a number. Why? Because the real change is in my body; this is both good and bad.

The good is the confidence that steadily increases every time I try something on from the very back of my cupboard; something gorgeous, but just a little too tight in places. Now it fits perfectly. Well, mostly. My winter wardrobe is no longer constituted of jeans alone – two pairs of black pants and one lovely green pair now fits my curves – and that is good, but also bad. I only have three pairs of jeans that fit at the moment (something very unusual as it is my wardrobe staple), and they are starting to get a little too loose around the waist.

That brings me to the bad. Last winter I only bought a couple of long-sleeved tee-shirts to wear with my jeans under short-sleeved tee-shirts. This year I’ll have to buy at least two new pairs of jeans, at least two new bras, and in all likelihood a new winter coat/jacket/blazer. For me, finding the perfect pair of jeans is an absolute nightmare. I’ve thought about trying something other than my trusted wide-leg option, as I am more confident about showing off my legs, but I still have doubts. And although this is a versatile basic in any wardrobe, jeans tend to be a little pricey. Still, probably not as expensive as my preferred brand of female support: La Senza. I just love the quality of their bras. Their strapless bras (which come with removable pads, fabric and translucent straps last time I bought a pair) and their t-shirt bras (offering great cover and wider straps for curvier girls) are the best. I usually buy each style in both black and nude. I should at this stage perhaps mention that I’m not as particular about the sexy lacy numbers in my cupboard, since their function is mostly seduction, and when they do get worn (which isn’t often), they don’t stay on long. The exception is the exquisite designer lace corset I bought a few years ago.

So as much as I was hoping to treat myself to a pair of new boots this winter (if my feet are cold there’s no warming me up), I suppose I need to get my priorities straight. I was looking forward to buying new clothes once I’ve gotten to a stage where I’m content with my body – which is still a bit of a way off – but this in betweenness is not making me happy. At the same time I’m not too keen on wearing slouchy oversized clothes – not only does it make me look neglected, it keeps me from seeing my amazing transforming body and keeping me motivated.

Now that I’ve gotten my sulk in writing, I shall put it aside and do what needs to be done, when I’m able to do it. Eye on the big picture, so to speak, and all.

If I had a million dollars…

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In a bit of a silly mood from listening to The Barenaked Ladies. It got me thinking about some things I’d like (other than no debt and a place of my own – which I really want quite badly). Sorry if you wasted your time coming here today, expecting some kind of meaningfulness. Then again, that should teach you to ever expect that from this blog.

  • A spa day (facial, body scrub/wrap, hair treatment, massages, etc.)
  • Winter boots
  • Red heels (still)
  • Some place peaceful to stay for my upcoming two week holiday
  • A pair of jeans (or two)
  • A bit of shopping: new bedding and linen (maybe even a new bed!), books, perfume, stationery, etc.
  • A new hobby – I’d like to do more origami, but can’t seem to understand diagrams from books; I need a hands-on approach to that. I’d like to do something that’s quick, easy and portable to do.
  • A Kindle – the new one, with a green leather cover (the one with the light-goody attached) and a cool gelaskin (all in my Amazon.com wish list)
  • A BlackBerry Bold
  • An iPod Nano with a wristband thingy
  • A docking station for my iPod
  • Maybe an iPad… definitely a PlayBook

And since yesterday was my 32⅓ birthday, I am happily accepting gifts :)

This is apathy

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I am miserable at work. Take today, for example: I got up at six, had a shower, got dressed and had breakfast at my desk shortly after seven. That was followed by checking my work inbox (message from IT, message to sign my Performance Appraisal, which hasn’t been finalised yet), checking my gmail account, checking the links of the tweets I have favourited over the weekend, etc. It is now after three and virtually nothing I did today was related to work. Not because I’m a slacker, but because I have nothing to do. I have plenty to keep me busy with, but it’s not work. For some people this would be ideal; for me, not so much.

Of course I’ve been on the lookout for alternative means of earning a salary, but I seem to be qualified for very little and greatly inexperienced in many interesting fields. I thought about what I would ideally do, if it were not for the sake of a salary alone. Well, I’d like to start as an intern at a glossy magazine and work my way up. The glossy I’d most like to work for is in Cape Town. I can’t afford to move there, and I can’t afford to work as an intern either. Aside from writing (in which I’m starting to doubt my ability to do well), I really don’t know what I would like to do. Well, read and sleep and socialising and trying out stuff will be pretty cool too, but I have no backing to do either of those for a living either.

So what’s next? Well, it’s almost home time, and maybe I’ll read a bit before climbing in bed (probably shortly after sunset – if I can manage it that long), and then I suppose I’ll do it all over again.

Tarot reading for April

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So far 2011 has sucked great big… well, you get the idea. It has not been a good year for me. Then again, it’s been almost a decade since I did have a good year. But there are changes afoot, and maybe things will improve from tomorrow (today being April Fool’s Day and all). Let’s see what the cards say.

The Tower 

The Tower : How you feel about yourself now  »

You feel that the disruption and sweeping change you are going through, or fear you are about to go through, will be catastrophic. You need to recognise that such upheaval can force new directions that you never dreamed possible. Subconsciously you may have wanted change, but as is often the case, the solution isn’t always as we expect. There could be problems relating to your property, or if considering a new property or move, progress will be thwarted.

The Emperor 

The Emperor : What you most want at this moment  »

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is success and achievement, and the support and influence of perhaps your father, husband/partner or a man of significance in your life who you believe could help.

Justice 

Justice : Your fears  »

There could be agreements or legal affairs that concern you and you certainly don’t want to lose – you feel quite strongly that you are in the right. Stay calm and level headed and seek sound counsel if you need to.

Death 

Death : What is going for you  »

A time of absolute endings and brand new beginnings, your life is going through a period of great transformation. Whilst it may be difficult or even painful you will pull through. You will be free for a brand new phase in your life.

The Hanged Man 

The Hanged Man : What is going against you  »

You are allowing yourself to be victimised and emotionally blackmailed by others or you’re playing the martyr or victim to try and manipulate others. Don’t be too materialistic or try and hang onto someone or something for all the wrong reasons. Someone or something has to go, you must find the ability to let go and give this up – don’t worry it will turn out for the better for you.

The Hermit 

The Hermit : Outcome  »

This is a time for you to be alone or may herald a time of loneliness. Take this time for quiet introspection and rest. Don’t worry you will find the answers, but the Hermit signals a warning not to make hasty decisions. If you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation.

 

This is the most meaningful reading I’ve had, considering all the changes, my doubts about that, about my ability to do my job well, and also with me feeling a little under the weather – physically and emotionally.